By Carl Sampson
Here we are again.
Four years ago, we were given the task of choosing a president.
Seeing as how the last few we had picked really weren’t up to the job, the pressure was on.
Now we have to choose again.
Do we keep Barack, or do we trade him in for Mitt, Rick, Newt or Ron?
I’m not really thrilled with any of them.
I think they all have deleted the word “compromise” from their vocabulary, which leaves us with all or nothing.
So far, I’ve seen mostly nothing.
As a radical middle of the roader, I’d like voters to reconsider an alternative I cooked up four years ago.
Instead of voting for the lesser of the evils, as is so often the case in elections, why not vote for the best person?
Of course, I’m talking about my wife, who is clearly the best person for the job. She would make a better president than any of those guys.
First of all, she’s way smarter.
I’ve interviewed hundreds of people through the years, and I haven’t run into anyone who’s even in her league. I honestly think she’s smarter than all of those other guys combined.
Second, she has a photographic memory. If she has read it, seen it or heard it, my wife remembers it. Unlike politicians, whose memories are selective, she believes in the truth, not some version of it that suits her purposes.
Third, she is fair-minded. She has her opinion on different subjects, but she also knows that there are other opinions. Given a choice, she will seek the best options, not the one that best fits a certain orthodoxy.
Fourth, she has raised four boys, so she knows how to handle chaos. At one point, all of them were teenagers. Anyone who thinks being president is tough should give that a try. Boy howdy, can teenagers give you a run for your money.
Fifth, and most importantly, if my wife were to be elected president, that would make me the first lady.
Now there’s a great job. I could hang around the White House all day acting sort of important, encouraging kids not to take drugs and to learn how to read and running the Easter egg roll. On top of that, I’d also get to ride on Air Force One and do all sorts of other cool stuff.
I’d also get to hang out with the other first ladies when our “better halfs” were at summit meetings. I definitely think the president of France should be invited to all summit meetings.
Members of the press would want to interview me, of course, as the “most important person in the president’s life.”
And I could spout off about any number of issues without anyone caring what I said or why. Come to think of it, being a first lady is kind of like being a columnist.
Carl Sampson is a freelance writer and editor. His latest book, “A Bushel and a Peck,” is available for $2.99 at Amazon’s Kindle website.
