By Carl Sampson
Welcome to my Facebook page.
First, the important stuff.
In a relationship with, uh, wait a minute and I’ll think of her name.
Memberships: CRS (Can’t Remember Stuff) Support Group (it never meets because no one can remember where or when).
College: Three of them. One was in Wisconsin, where it was cold. One was in Vermont where it was really cold. The other one was in Alaska, where it was really, really cold.
Dumbest thing I ever did: In Alaska, I sprayed de-icer on the windshield of my 1972 Toyota pickup when it was 35 below. The de-icer turned into plastic. I had to drive home with my head out the window.
Smartest thing I ever did: Marry my wife.
Best thing that ever happened to me: See above.
Family: Yes, a whole bunch. Four kids, two cats, three fish and miscellaneous hangers-on.
Employment: Yes.
Favorite music: Captain and Tennille, the Carpenters, Louis Armstrong.
Favorite movies: “Patton,” “Tender Mercies.”
Activities and interests: Writing, watching movies, writing about movies.
Contact information: Don’t call me, I’ll call you.
Photos: 479, and they’re all of me.
Friends: None.
This thing called Facebook has me puzzled. I recently spent the night cruising the Facebook pages of everyone I know – and a lot of people I don’t know. Here’s what I found out.
Most people like to post photos. Teenagers post photos of themselves – by the hundreds. They apparently spend hours in front of a camera making faces with their friends. It’s as though they’re afraid they might not remember what they look like.
Other people post photos of their kids, their dogs and cats, the sunset, a plant or anything but themselves. It’s as though they’re afraid to remember what they look like.
Most of the things posted on friends’ pages are hand-me-down items, like You Tube videos, posters and greeting cards.
Some people post stuff all day, every day. I guess they have a little less intense job than I do. Most days I get so wrapped up in work I forget to have lunch.
Other people post stuff about their jobs. Ugh. Or about politics. Double ugh.
But other things do tickle my funny bone. Most involve cats.
Like Hank the Cat, who’s running for a U.S. Senate seat in Virginia. Or the cats that are type fonts or who play the piano.
There are also lots of videos and other things of interest – to someone.
So what did I learn during the course of my Facebook studies?
One out of every 4.2 bajillion Facebook entries is interesting, clever or mildly amusing. It’s not that people aren’t interesting. They are. It’s just that most people don’t talk about the really interesting things in their lives on Facebook.
Hence, the cats and You Tube videos.
Just imagine if people actually said what was on their minds.
It would be called Thought Book.
