By Kristine Thomas
There was an empty desk in a sixth-grade classroom at Mount Angel Middle School, another in a fourth-grade classroom at St. Mary’s Elementary School on Jan. 24
The desks belonged to 12-year-old Dawson Hunt and his 9-year-old brother, Devin. Both died as the result of a two-car crash on Dominic Road on Jan. 22. Their father, Lenny Hunt, 35, was critically injured in the crash.
The boys’ classroom teachers along with staff members had the heartbreaking task of telling students the boys had died and then answering questions.
To help students and staff with their grief, Mount Angel Superintendent Bob Young invited two crisis flight teams from the Willamette ESD to be at the schools Jan. 24 to provide counseling and assistance.
“My thoughts and prayers are with the family, the others injured, those impacted helping at the scene, the schools and the community by this tragedy,” Young said in a prepared statement.
Willamette ESD Flight Team members Ben Root and Michael Conn said dealing with the loss of a classmate affects students in different ways depending on age and life experience.
Root advises parents to begin with the truth about what happened. Stick to the facts, he said, and avoiding repeating rumors. “When children don’t have all the facts, they tend to make-up the facts to fill in the missing pieces and make it fit with their reality,” Root said.
Parents can help children grieve by being honest about their own thoughts and feelings as well as providing honest answers, middle school counselor Kevin Ortega said.
“It is natural for humans to desire to make sense of death, and so children in particular will want to know about the details of the events surrounding a death,” Ortega said. “Our challenge is to provide children with honest answers that are appropriate to their age without giving too many unnecessary or disturbing details, and then to redirect them away from facts and back to the emotional consequences of the loss.”
There is no “normal” way to grieve, everything from a numb, shocked response to a highly visible outpouring of emotion is normal, Ortega said, adding grief is like a roller coaster where moods can vary over the course of hours, days and weeks.
Ortega said parents should be sensitive to their children regardless of how well they knew the deceased. “News of a death can bring up the past loss of a loved one, or memories of other traumatic events,” he said.
Confronting death can tap into children’s fear of death – either their own or the death of a loved one. Ortega said a good percentage of students may not acknowledge their feelings or engage others after a death. “Some may go so far as to deny the events,” he said. “If your child refuses to talk or insists they are fine, give them time and then monitor for physical signs of distress.”
Parents should look for changes in eating or sleeping patterns, or complaints such as headaches or stomachaches. Adults should also monitor for behavioral signs such as aggression, withdrawal or inability to concentrate. Ortega said parents should trust their instincts if they sense something is bothering their child and talk with their child’s school counselor if they have concerns.
The unexpected death of a classmate can shake a student’s foundation. That’s one reason Ortega recommends parents preserve routines as a way to provide comfort and assurance. At the same time, parents should know when to be flexible.
Naturally, Ortega said, parents want to shield children from suffering or pain. He advises parents to resist the temptation to not allow children to attend funerals or memorials.
“Participation in rituals and traditions are essential in the grieving process,” Ortega said. “Such traditions may be emotionally difficult, but in the long run they are emotionally healthy. In general, we need to be willing and able to tolerate our children’s pain.”
