By Carl Sampson
The winter holidays means the invitations will be arriving for parties, get-togethers, reunions and parole hearings. With the exception of the latter, most gatherings are fun. It’s always a kick to get together with family, friends, co-workers – anyone – to celebrate. I can think of no better way of doing that than enjoying good food and company. There’s a trick to properly attending these gatherings. Some folks tend to violate the Golden Rule of Entertaining – never discuss religion or politics. Not only do some folks want to find someone to engage in a discussion, they hope to find someone they can set off like a skyrocket.
So as a public service, here’s my list of comments to avoid making this holiday season. It even comes with a guarantee to keep you off the naughty list, if you follow my advice.
“I’m so glad the stores put out their Christmas merchandise early. I got my shopping done by Labor Day.” This will get almost everyone in an uproar. Most of us remember when the “unofficial” start of the Christmas season was when Santa Claus appeared at the end of Macy’s Thanksgiving parade. Now, it’s the Fourth of July.
“I think Obamacare is the best thing to happen to health care since colonoscopies.” If you say this, you better quickly dive behind the couch.
“I think Congress is doing a great job and so is the president.” Start running for the door as you say this, because someone will take offense, regardless of what side of the political fence they’re on.
Politics aren’t the only way to lay an egg at a party. Sports can get your candy cane and hot chocolate repossessed, too. Be sure to avoid these statements.
“I think college football is a case of misplaced priorities. Colleges should concentrate on academics and leave football to the NFL.”
Or for Duck fans: “The Ducks are all the players who couldn’t hack it at Stanford.” You could get an equal-opportunity negative reaction by substituting “Beavers,” “Huskies” or any mascot in that statement. Or better yet, include them all.
Food is a flashpoint. It used to be a turkey was a turkey, stuffing was stuffing and everyone ate like kings. Now they are sensitive to all sorts of things, from how the turkey was raised to how far away the potatoes were grown. Here are some statements to avoid.
“Can I get my dinner genetically modified, with extra gluten and a side of white sugar?” If that won’t get you kicked out, try saying, “Yeah, my doctor put me on a new diet — If it tastes good, spit it out.”
Political correctness continues to run rampant. I won’t provide any examples, but let’s just leave it at this: If you have any thought of saying something meaningful, forget it. Someone will take offense – I guarantee it.
Come to think of it, about all you can talk about these days without getting into trouble is the weather. Just don’t bring up climate change.
