By Carl Sampson
Some friends and I were sitting around the other night having some ice tea, and the subject came up: What’s up with those guys that hang around at freeway exits asking for money?
It’s variously called panhandling, “spanging” — asking for spare change — or plain old begging, but the intent is the same.
Each practitioner has a goal of bringing in the maximum amount of money for a minimum amount of effort — kind of like a political fundraiser.
Typically, folks who panhandle are considered to be at loose ends, unable to get a job. I don’t know whether that’s really the case. Over the years, I’ve seen a variety of panhandlers at various exits along I-5 during my expeditions into Salem and back.
For a long time, the same crew of people seemed to be working shifts at the intersection of I-5 and Highway 22. One guy even had a dog with him. Then the personnel would change and another group of panhandlers would be at the intersection.
This seemed way too organized. Why would random homeless guys to show up at the same place and time every day?
The signs would usually say something like “Homeless” and “Every Bit Helps.”
Some would say, “Why lie? It’s for beer.” Hitchhikers’ signs would say, “Eugene” or “Portland” — good destinations for the unmotivated.
One day, I saw a hitchhiker with a sign that said only, “Korea.” Now there was an optimist. I also noted that he wasn’t there the next day. He must have made it.
During our conversation the other day, we hit upon an idea for a way to supplement our meager incomes. We decided we could panhandle, too.
Though the enthusiasm for this idea lost its charm as the evening wore on, I’m actually still thinking about it.
There’s only one problem with the plan. Many of the folks who drive around the area know who I am. I mean, I get stopped in the grocery store often enough that I should just set up a table, sort of like Lucy in that “Peanuts” comic strip. People often will tell me all about themselves, sparked by something I said in a column.
There’s another problem with panhandling: It’s not my style. I’ve always worked hard, no matter what sort of job I had. Whether I was a janitor in an elementary school — which, it should be noted, was the hardest job I ever had — or the editor of a daily newspaper, I took it just as seriously.
So the idea of me standing around with a cardboard sign asking for a handout just doesn’t much appeal to me.
But our current circumstances may warrant reconsideration of the panhandling idea. After all, I do have two kids in college. Believe me, every penny counts these days. Maybe I should get myself a piece of cardboard and hit the road.
Here’s what the sign should say: “Will write columns for tuition waivers.”
