Is that the moon? … and other things you can’t unsee

March 2019 Posted in Columnists & Opinion

Spring is about to spring and The Man’s thoughts turn to sunshine, warmer days and what the heck is going on in local businesses… So-o-o-o-o, here we go… Ratchet Brewing of Salem is adding a second location – in Silverton, where Seven Brides used to be, Candy Babel is going in where Silverton Jewelry was, and The Peoples Taphouse still isn’t open. The former O’Brien’s Cafe building and Bazaar Americana both have been awarded facade enhancement grants, Lunaria has remodeled, Savvy Interiors and Stop and Go opened on Main Street. The Furniture Place moved out and Video Game Wizards shut down to focus on their Molalla store. Côté Chiropractic added Dr. Jennifer Martin, DC to the practice, Jonathan Hamm moved Audio Hearing to the former location of Dr. Alan Carter’s office and Gear Up is slowly making progress toward re-opening. Paul Brakeman, former chef at Angels Table, The Glockenspiel and Seven Brides is now servin’ up the grub at Silver Falls Brewing after Casey Craig, formerly of Seven Brides, Gather and Silver Falls Brewery moved his Loco Ono BBQ to the former Figaro’s Pizza location. In Mt. Angel, progress continues on the new retreat center up at the abbey –projected opening is in April, Paradis Vineyards has opened a tasting room on Charles Street, Benedictine Brewery is going strong and Hanson Vineyards has their seasonal tasting room open on weekends… and you thought nothing was going on…

ODOT is looking at a new proposal for the impending traffic congestionpalooza when the Little Pudding River bridge-replacement closes Silverton Road between Howell Prairie and Cordon Road. The new proposal closes the road to the daily 8,500 vehicles from April – November of 2020 instead of June 2019 – January 2020. Either way, established detours and temporary traffic signals are still planned to ease what is sure to be a period of “enjoyable” commutes for many area residents…

So-o-o-o there you are, fit as a (old worn out) fiddle, doing a little yard work when a little bend here, a little twist there and you’re left with a pain you’ve not encountered before. Next thing you know you’re racking up frequent flyer miles in a wide assortment of doctors’ offices, taking pain killers by the bucketload and getting way too acquainted with the joys of daytime television. As the weeks pass, your frustration grows… The insurance company on the other hand seems quite content to issue an ever- more-powerful list of not-so-enjoyable drugs apparently hoping if they can put you off long enough you’ll either die, give up, or (best case scenario) forget who they are. Unfortunately for them, your protesting continues, and you eventually end up having “emergency” back surgery. The drugs are now even more important to dull the pain but they also dull your senses, leaving you wandering the hospital in your gown unaware (and not really caring) that your “buns of steel” are on display for all to see. You also find out that those nifty clay heating pads will quickly become your best friend… but if left in the microwave too long, will indeed, explode. Recovery continues and the trap door they carved into your back heals enough to send you to physical therapy where the motto seems to be “if you didn’t hurt before, you will now,” which they accomplish by folding you up like a pretzel, rolling around on big bouncy balls like you’re in some kind of adult day care. and making you do various and sundry “exercises” (always with the implied inference that if Mr. Girly Man had been doing these before he wouldn’t be in this situation, now would he)… Has any of this ever happened to you? I’m asking for
a friend…

See you on the street… 

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