Traditional column. New year. New goals. New resolutions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cut down on sweets. Uh, huh. That’s history with the five pieces of Moonstruck Chocolate I sucked down last night like a hungry Dyson vacuum cleaner. Lose 30 pounds? Toast – see previous chocolate malady. Quit engaging others on politics? Oh, my. That went out the door Jan. 1, at 12:01 a.m. I gave some sage advice to a friend – “If you tell someone water is wet and they disagree, run. Really fast.” Don’t engage. Talking politics with a goal of converting them to your style of thinking is like trying to teach a pig to sing, according to Robert Heinlein. “It will waste your time, and it annoys the pig.”
No logical segue to be found here, but it was suggested to me that commentary on pet peeves and manners, or lack thereof, might be suitable material for my new year diatribe.
Here goes: Unless it is an emergency, why does the person calling you during our scheduled meeting move to the front of the line? I was there first.
If you are nice enough to let me go first at the intersection because we arrived at the same time, why do you wave at me angrily to get going?
If someone does something nice for you, why do you not say thank you? Even more so, why don’t you teach your kids to?
Why take your kids to a party and then let them play video games or text incessantly rather than engaging with friends and relatives? Or at a restaurant or dinner table during family time?
Why do you text while someone is trying to teach you something? What if your psychologist starts to text as you bare your soul?
Do you insist that your children call or write thank-yous to people who have given them a gift? Poor “Annie” gets this question a thousand times a year.
If I am driving 62 m.p.h. in a 55-m.p.h. zone, why are you turning red and flashing me ugly hand signals?
Do you believe the people within 1,000 feet of you at the mall or restaurant are interested in hearing every word of your loud phone conversation?
Do you do your homework or think before you speak on certain matters? It has been said, for a reason, that it is better to remain silent and have others think you a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Do you honestly believe your gratuitous use of vulgarity on social media, public places, or just about anywhere improves your standing in life or causes passersby to celebrate your intelligence?
You know we can see you using your phone in plain sight as you drive through the intersection, nearly clipping my kid? You know that our motorcycle police officer will notice, too, sometime soon? Did you know the maximum fine for the first time is $1,000, I’m told? And that if you are involved in an accident, it is $2,000?
And to the lady who says she doesn’t like my opinion column because I am always expressing my opinions? “Water is wet, Dixon. Walk away.”
But wish her a happy New Year as you do.
