=
Expand search form

China adventure: Journey to the Palace of Weddings in China

By Tom Ewingcropped IMG_0253

My middle son Ross (now 32) attended all three schools in Mount Angel, graduating from Kennedy High School in 2003 and then from the University of Oregon four years later. After that, he left for China to teach English as a second language.

He became fluent in Chinese. He met a beautiful woman, Tian Huijun (“Donna” is her American name), serendipitously, in a clothing store. They married two years later in 2017. There was no wedding ceremony. Rather, they went to a government office, signed some papers, and it was done. Two months ago, they came to Mount Angel, Donna’s second visit. We held a small wedding for them in our backyard, Andy Otte, Mayor of Mount Angel, officiating. Thanks, Andy.

Donna’s family decided to have a reception in China on Oct. 6. I was conflicted whether or not to go – several reasons – but decided to make the trip. Quickly renewing my passport and obtaining a visa, I left for China. My wife Virginia couldn’t go.

The reception took place in Baoding, the home of Donna’s parents (150 km south of Beijing), in the Palace of Weddings. Weddings are big business in China. The Palace holds several a day.

How to describe it? A mix of the traditional and Las Vegas on steroids (don’t think we’ll have a wedding like that in St. Mary’s very soon): flashing lights, revolving pictures against the wall of both Donna’s and Ross’ family, thumping music, replica of a Disney-like castle perhaps 15 feet tall on the stage, numerous styrofoam balls in oddly curved shapes (no clue their purpose), and a master of ceremonies whose outsized personality would humble an American game show host.

There were perhaps 200 guests, relatives and friends of the Tians, seated at round tables, ten or so guests to a table. When I entered the hall, all eyes were on me. Outside of Ross, I was the only foreigner. Nothing uncomfortable, but I was the attention-getter. They seemed to know who I was.

There was a stage at the end of the hall. Thirty feet away was a heart-shaped arch. The ceremony began with Donna under the arch wearing a red veil which completely covered her head (red is a lucky color in China). Ross slipped a red ribbon into her hand and as he held the other end escorted her to the stage. There he lifted the veil. In the meantime, Donna’s parents and I took seats on the stage. At that point the emcee asked me to say something in Chinese to the audience. I was a bit flustered. All I could come up with, in Chinese (I know a little): “How y’all doing?” I received a resounding applause, less for my fluency than because I knew four words in Chinese.

Donna handed me a cup of warm tea. I drank it. I then handed her a red (red again) ceremonial envelope with money inside. She leaned over and hugged me. It was Ross’ turn, performing the same ritual with both Mr. and Mrs. Tian respectively. He shook their hands (the Chinese are not huggers; Donna is the exception).

The ceremony was now complete and guests could eat. The Tians, Donna, Ross, and I went from table to table, Mr. Tian thanking them for coming. With glasses in hand we toasted them. The guests from each table were especially interested in toasting me, perhaps because I was a foreigner and Ross’ father, by clinking their glasses with mine (the Chinese are fond of toasting; very civilized). After the first table Donna whispered to me that, as a sign of respect, I needed to clink the rim of my glass a bit below theirs. But the guests would have none of it. They immediately moved their glasses lower so that their rims were below mine. I then moved my rim down, in some cases bending my knees to get lower and lower. This happened at every table. At one I bent down so far that my glass settled on a bowl of rice. I could bend no farther. I surrendered. It was all good fun.

Here are some miscellaneous observations during my trip. First, driving. The streets were always full of cars. I would describe their driving ethos as playing “vehicular chicken”. If you want to change lanes and there’s a four-inch gap between your car and the one beside you, cut in. And that’s the way they walk. If there’s a stair and a crowd is struggling to walk up, never allow a four-inch gap. You’ll stand there forever.

Chinese beer: Almost always served warm. The Chinese have a theory about virtually everything: animals, numbers, colors (example red), food, and beer to mention a few. I asked why they serve beer warm while in America we drink it cold. Well, they had an answer: “In China we eat more vegetables than you Americans, while you Americans eat more meat. Vegetables are a ‘cold’ food which, to balance it, requires warm beer. However, meat is a ‘warm’ food requiring cold beer for natural balance.” Well, that made sense… sort of.

Toilet facilities: Hotel rooms have standard toilets. But in public areas – hotel lobbies (at least the hotels I stayed in), restaurants, museums – the common toilets consist of a hole in the floor. I’ll leave it to the imagination of my readers the need for physical dexterity and accurate positioning. Had a problem or two. Enough on that.

Drinking and driving: Their laws are very strict, zero tolerance; a license can be taken away for a year. The Chinese have a solution. In China there’s an app for everything. Here’s one: You can call a bicyclist who will come to you, fold up his bike, store it in the trunk, drive you where you want to go, retrieve the bike, and he’s on his way to rescue another driver.

I’ve been asked several times about the food. This is tough to answer. Every restaurant table is round, seating about eight people. Meals are eaten “family style”, with a flat lazy susan the size of the table which can be spun giving access to the different dishes. And there are always several: fish, chicken, beef, vegetables, soups. I can say only this: The flavors and presentations are rather different from what we’re accustomed to. A few dishes I liked; most I didn’t particularly (and I love “American” Chinese food). I’m convinced Chinese cooks in the states seriously adapt their recipes to American tastes because any restaurant cooking “authentically” probably would fail here.

In the week I spent in Baoding I have never been so generously and kindly treated. At every dinner they would not allow me to open a beer or pour one; when my glass was half empty, it would be immediately filled. They would point to food I should try. There were many other acts of kindness at the table and elsewhere. It was overwhelming.

But finally, Mr. Tian: He did not speak a word of English. And my Chinese was very, very limited. But he always sat close, attending to me. On our last night, our restaurant dinner finished, we walked down a long hallway, side by side, silently, my hand on his shoulder. Father to father.

A trip of a lifetime.

Previous Article

Silverton’s proposed $.02 gas tax

Next Article

Sidewalk Shindig: Capturing a musical guide to community

You might be interested in …

Diversity downtown: Silverton offers up a cultural smorgasbord

From the soft plunking of harp strings to yoga demonstrations, historic downtown Silverton will come alive with talent on April Fool’s Day. More than 30 shops and businesses are expected to host gifted performers from a variety of cultures at the city’s First Friday event, said Doreen Kelly, program coordinator with Silverton Together.