The Old Curmudgeon: Life, tailor-made

May 2016 Posted in Columnists & Opinion

The Old CurmudgeonBy Vern Holmquist


Hold on there.

I haven’t gone anyplace.

I just needed to kick some of the old stuff I have crammed into this small brain of mine, sort of clean it up so that only the good thoughts remain.

I think the doctors call it a stroke. The problem is, all those thoughts don’t come back all at once.

It takes a little time. Anyway, I hope it works that way.

I’m on the road back to recovery. Sure wish to thank all of those who have been there with both hands and thoughts. I couldn’t have done it without you. Bless you.

We’ll have some good times coming yet.

I remember the old Swede, my father, tell me that the object of life is to be happy, the place to be happy is here, the time to be happy is now. There is something to that.

When I think of the adjustments I have to make, it reminds me of the man who went into his tailor’s shop to pick up his new suit.

“Do you think you have left too much room over my shoulder,” he inquired.

The tailor replied. “Yes, but if I correct it now by the time the suit has a chance to shape to your body, it will be too tight. The first time you wear the suit, hold your shoulders a little higher to fill the space.”

The man then said, “I guess that works, but the sleeves are too long.”

The tailor answered, “Same thing, pull your sleeves up and hold your elbows against your body until the suit shapes to you.”

The man answered, “I guess I can do that.”

He then tries on the pants.

“I know the pants are too long now, but if I hold my knees together, I can hold them at the right length until after a little shaping they will be right, right?”

The man leaves the shop wearing his new suit with his shoulders held high, his elbows held to his body and his knees held together.

There were two little old ladies walking toward him.

One said to the other, “Isn’t that sad. That man is so very crippled.”

The other says, “Yes, but doesn’t his suit fit well.”

Well, spring is well underway. I have noticed a couple of white roses waving at me through the window. Unfortunately, the deer ate them before I could smell them. But this is going to be an exciting year.

We are going to elect a new president. The Democrats are warning that the Republicans will destroy the progress which has been made. The Republicans seem to be… well, so far, it looks like “Make America Great Again” may cost far more than can be measured in dollars.

Fear not. We tend to forget that our Constitution put a safe guard against something too extreme happening. The U.S. Senate and House of Representatives each have veto power.

We can’t blame a president for everything we see as wrong.

With my voter pamphlet in hand, I see the names of all those who want to be elected or re-elected and each will vote for what they see as best for them and our country will survive.

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