Domestic violence: Community seeks ways to change the dynamics

By Kristine Thomas

Jillian Kelly of Mount Angel and Kris Dahl Mitchell of Silverton are two of many community members who want to change the conversation about domestic violence.

From Facebook posts to discussions in coffee shops to a gathering at Silver Creek Fellowship, people are talking about how the discussion of domestic violence needs to quit being about what victims should have done and move on to a focus on what the community can do to end it.

“Unless the discussion changes, we know this is going to happen again,” Kelly said. “There needs to be accountability amongst all of us.”

Domestic violence is “too common of a story. A story that has repeated itself again and again,” Kelly said.

In August, there were three cases of domestic violence locally that made news and shook the community. Mount Angel resident Kathleen Marie Schwartz and Silverton resident Cassandra Wagner were murdered. Mount Angel resident Timothy Bork was set on fire, receiving serious burns. Those were the cases that received public attention. There are incidents of physical, emotional or verbal abuse that never make the headlines. According to a 2010 Center for Disease Control study, one in three Oregon women will be a victim of domestic violence, sexual assault or stalking in her lifetime.

“The problem is too often hidden because we are not talking about it unless something happens,” Kelly said.

On Sept. 8, the conversation on domestic violence caught national attention when the Baltimore Ravens dismissed star running back Ray Rice. The public release of  a surveillance video from an Atlantic City hotel elevator showing Rice knocking out his then-fiancée prompted the team’s action. Rice was suspended indefinitely by the National Football League.

For many, the focus shifted to the victim: why did she marry Rice?

Silverton resident Celia Stapleton posed a different question.

“What if the NFL sponsored a men’s program for men to stop violence,” she wrote on Facebook. “Across the nation, show men there are no reasons that are OK to beat your wife, girlfriend, kids or family members. No acceptance of sexual abuse. Let’s see the Big Guys pull up their shorts and roll up their sleeves and pay for this kind of positivity for men.”

In her research, Kelly, a Portland State student, found 15 percent of men are perpetrators of domestic violence. What if, she asked, the remaining 85 percent stood up and told the 15 percent their behavior was unacceptable.

“It is beyond time to hold the aggressive male culture accountable for their actions. It is beyond time to hold other men who let aggressive males dominate accountable for their inactions,” Kelly said. “And it is beyond time to make the statement to non-aggressive males that they hold the key to changing this for females by standing up for themselves and proclaiming they are men who offer respect, kindness, thoughtfulness and compassion to others.”

Kelly worked with murder victim Cassandra Wagner at the Providence Benedictine Nursing Center.

“She was just the sweetest, kindest and most trustworthy person,” Kelly said. “She was level-headed and nurturing. No one deserves to be treated this way.

“In our communities, we pride ourselves in coming together to help one another,” Kelly said. “We need to come together to solve this. I believe the male leaders in our community need to get involved in the conversation.”

Mitchell has been reflecting on the murder of Wagner too. She had known her since high school. The report that someone heard the suspect say he was going to kill Wagner and then kill himself upsets Mitchell.

Too often, she said, we don’t take someone seriously when he or she makes a threatening remark. Instead, she said, we tend to brush it off as venting or a joke.

What if we took the comments seriously?  she asked. Or sought help?

“We need to be more concerned when we hear someone say they want to kill someone,” she said.

In order for real change to take place regarding domestic violence, it begins with each and every one of us, Mitchell said.

“We are not going to fix the problem of domestic violence if we stay silent. We need to start listening to one another and we need to say out loud when behaviors are not acceptable. We all need to be on guard.”

A year ago, the Mount Angel City Council honored Autumn Brown and Leanne Zuccone for their actions in “a potentially deadly situation” in June of 2013. The two women witnessed a Mount Angel man grabbing a woman by her wrist and punching her at least three times. The two women diverted the attacker’s attention so the victim could escape.

Officer Charlie Hall wrote, “In an era where it is all too common to hear of capable bystanders that see another in need, but choose to remain uninvolved, Leanne Zuccone and Autumn Brown stepped up and put themselves in between the attacker and this young woman. If the suspect’s demeanor is any indication of what he may have been capable of, there is little doubt that further harm was prevented by the actions of these two women.”

Silverton Police Chief Jeff Fossholm said domestic violence cases are treated as a crime “against society and not just a crime against the victim.”

His officers receive yearly in-service training and updates by the Marion County District Attorney’s Office. The officers provide assistance to victims along with work to deter, prevent or reduce domestic violence. The department has a domestic violence advocate, whose identity remains anonymous for safety reasons.

“Our domestic violence advocate (DVA) is on-call and responds when called out by police to scenes of domestic violence in which an arrest is being made,” Fossholm said. “In cases where there is domestic violence, but not enough for an arrest, the victim’s information is routed to the DVA for discreet follow-up with the victim as to not exasperate the situation any further.”

Victims of domestic violence can contact the Silverton Police at 503-873-5326 if they wish to be put in contact with the advocate.

Fossholm said a restraining order gives law enforcement a tool or method to immediately deal with a “restraining order violation” by arresting and taking the violator directly to jail. “What a restraining order doesn’t do is to totally protect the victim. A restraining order is only a court order advising them to stay away from the victim or risk being arrested. It’s tough for someone to totally protect themselves, short of picking up and moving to unknown location.”

In most cases, people follow the conditions of restraining order, but not always.

“When a suspect no longer cares or wants to follow established laws, there is little else one can do, except to have an effective safety plan in place,” Fossholm said.

On Sept. 7,  more than 30 people – including five men – gathered at Silver Creek Fellowship for a presentation by Esther Craig of the Facebook group County Line Safety Compass and Kirstin Heydel of the Center for Hope and Safety. Craig lit a pink candle in remembrance of Wagner and Schwartz.

“In order for a community to heal, it takes men and women working together,” she said, adding she has worked as a victim’s advocate in both urban and rural communities. She emphasized each domestic violence case is unique and there isn’t just one answer.

Craig and Heydel stressed a key to preventing domestic violence is education, including how to recognize red flags and what to do if a victim seeks assistance. If a victim shares with you, Craig said, it’s important to validate what he or she is saying.  “They need to know you believe them,” Craig said.

Craig said a one hour meeting isn’t going to solve the problem. “We walk away tonight knowing we have work to do,” she said.

Silverton resident Joy Crook said for decades  women have been given lists of things they should do and freedoms they should forfeit  to keep themselves safe.

“If this was actually a realistic solution, it seems violence against women would be way down by now.  Maybe, we, all of us, need to think about this differently,” she said. “When people stop assaulting, hurting and killing others, then we will have prevented domestic violence. Victims of violence can try to protect themselves, but it is the people who commit domestic violence who are responsible for it. Not the victims.”