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People Out Loud: Miss Manners is beyond horrified

dixonBy Dixon Bledsoe

Years ago, I was at the drive-through window at Boedie’s Drive-In (best hamburgers ever; now Subway) and a nice young lady asked for my order. I noticed a brown spot on her neck and stewed over whether I should mention it. I asked myself the question, “Would you want someone to tell you?” Of course. So I mentioned to her in an ever so soft voice so as not to embarrass her, “You have a little dirt right here on your neck.” She looked at me in a mix of horror and disgust, and in a voice that could cut granite said, “It’s a birthmark.” I died a slow, agonizing death while waiting for my legendary Boedie Burger, apologized and sped away at breakneck speed.

It was a valuable lesson learned.

It amazes me how many times people say and do the most personal, insensitive or simply rude things. I don’t know that things have changed over time, or if we are talking generational differences or a nation that grows more dense over time.  I used to blame Archie Bunker.

At the Silverton City Council meeting July 7, I was startled at the lack of manners. One councilor interrupted another not once but four times, then proceeded to interrupt our city manager (who was simply answering the question posed by another councilor) and basically told him to be quiet because it was the councilors that voted on the topic at hand. A cell phone rang, interrupting the meeting. People got up and moved around, in and out, had side conversations. Rude.

A soon-to-be bride was asked if she was going to lose weight for her upcoming wedding. How could that possibly be construed as helpful, positive, kind or pertinent? Even if she was carrying a few extra pounds, and she wasn’t, why would someone ask that? Why is it their business? Did they even think about how their words could cause harm?

I have to admit that I am not a fan of the constant texting, emailing and phone calls that interrupt so many conversations, meetings and events.  I try hard, and not always successfully, to turn off my phone in meetings and movies, and ignore calls or messages that come in while I am talking with someone, even casually. But not many people reciprocate. Being “connected” is good, but we can’t forget that the person we are conversing with was there first, and any subsequent callers should be sent to voice mail.

“When are you due?” is always dangerous, as it invites a response of, “I have a tumor.” Strangers or even acquaintances placing their hands on expectant mothers’ baby bumps or cute little cookie munchers is rude and invasive of personal space.

“When are you going to have kids?”  Tacky, nosy and really none of your business. These are private matters. This also could invite the response, “We are unable to and it breaks our hearts.”

Someone dumped their cup of hot chocolate last winter on a busy Silverton sidewalk in front of the laundry mat. It stayed there for nine months as an ugly eyesore.  Another person defecated in front of a business on Oak Street. Littering is bad enough, but c’mon. How gross, trashy and self-centered. Not to mention trash left at our city parks. Why is it people can’t throw things in the garbage can?

When in doubt, think before you speak. Look up the word “manners” in the dictionary. Be certain. Don’t be rude. Look up the definition of “nosy” and compare it to the definition of “caring.” Big difference.

In the world we live today where people on social media have lost all inhibitions and filters, sitcoms and reality shows are contrived to be tacky with bad behavior all in the name of a cheap laugh. Good manners have fallen by the wayside. Maybe we need to take a step back. Back to good taste. Back to sensitivity. Back to graciousness. Back to respect. Back to keeping private matters private. Back to honoring personal space and in one case, back to the public restroom.

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