By Dixon Bledsoe
It is hard to come up with a novel approach to a New Year’s column. Last year, I resolved to lose 40 pounds or buy the entire town ice cream. The detail is in the fine print or lack thereof – I did lose 60 pounds but gained 52 of it back. The bet didn’t specify “net” loss, so no ice cream for you. Too bad. It was really good.
It is painful to look back at the worst of 2012, from a miserable campaign season of hyper-partisan “fiscal cliff” politics to the loss of innocent lives. Especially the little ones. I think about the children who were killed in Connecticut every day. Let us resolve to create better headlines for 2013, starting with a few I would like to see go from being resolutions to reality:
Honey Boo Boo moves to Serbia to be close to her three fans.
Voters push Congress over a real cliff and refuse to pay medical tab.
Reid, Pelosi, McConnell and Boehner – ”We blew it. Time we all agree to retire.”
SACA board of directors proclaim, “Mission Accomplished. Hunger Ends.”
NRA introduces Legislation to ban assault weapons, claiming “Real sportsmen need one shot. Not 100.”
President and Congress agree – Mental health IS a problem and underfunded.
Kim Kardashian has revelation – “I am inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.”
Man who bought vintage scotch for $27,000 sells it for $50,000. Donates profit to homeless shelter.
Trends indicate people are talking face-to-face without the use of technology.
Israel and Palestinians work out two-state solution – “It isn’t perfect but we can live with it.”
Assad steps down peacefully, stating “I guess the entire world was right.”
Americans to politicians – “2016 campaign starts in late 2015, not today.”
Iran and North Korea open their doors- Condemn nuclear proliferation world wide. Sanctions lifted.
Donald Trump gets new hair-do – World reacts favorably.
Silverton Fire Department doubles “Unattainable” record for holiday toy and food drive donations. Awarded Civilian Medal of Honor.
Universal Forest Products to Silverton – “Thank You for the welcoming arms. Here are 200 jobs Instead of the 100 we thought we might create.” SEDCOR and Chamber of Commerce sState – “We Aren’t Done Yet!”
Salem Cinema and Palace Theater Called “Willamette Valley Gems” – Profits Skyrocket.
Tax reform passes both houses unanimously. Tax code now one page and called “Fair Across the Board.”
Nike hires Our Town columnist as new spokes model after incredible weight loss and Adonis-like muscle-gain. Campaign dubbed, “Just Did It.”
Resolutions this year? But of course. I resolve to speak my mind when something doesn’t make sense, continue to highlight the magnificent things people do in our beautiful little towns and will push people at odds toward common ground. Vic knows – It’s all about the Venn Diagram depicting our differences but accentuating where we intersect. That is where we link best as humans and where progress is made.
I resolve to laugh more, criticize less and continue to recognize people and their stories, out loud. Let the new year begin, and may your own 2013 be blessed.
