By Winnie Bolton
To strengthen a child’s value system, to help them develop a solid foundation is far better than teaching them solutions to personal conflicts because, as parents, we can’t anticipate all the issues that will confront them.
Many parents hesitate to discuss values because they might sound “uncool” in these times of louder and stronger voices.
Peer groups, rock music, television, movies, magazines all make an impact on kids. If we don’t lobby our beliefs, we are allowing many unhealthy influences to develop our children’s critical thinking.
While we don’t have the right to impose our values on them, we do have the responsibility to share our values with them.
When we don’t talk about values, we give the message that we don’t consider our values to be worth much.
Our silence gives them license to do whatever they think is their own best interest.
Sometimes it’s important for youngsters to think beyond themselves and to consider the needs of other people and society in general.
You can use life experiences as they occur to help teach. For example, your 10-year old asks to go to the store with two kids who have previously bragged about having stolen small items from the store.
Your child tells you to relax because he won’t take anything without paying for it, no matter what the others do.
Ask, “What will happen if they steal and you are considered to be part of the group?
“Is their friendship worth risking a police record?” By simply asking your child to question his own values (rather than simply lecturing) you challenge their thinking instead of turning them off.
Keep discussing your value system with them and continue in greater depth as they mature. It is in sharing our values that our children begin to shape theirs.
It is empowering that middle schools encourage mentoring programs for those students who can benefit from the help. Mentors who encourage help build confidence and integrity. Likewise, we’re fortunate to have commendable coaches (like Mount Angel’s JFK high school football coach) who combine training for moral excellence with athletic prowess.
