By Dixon Bledsoe
Kelly and Erin Scott have been married six months. Marne and Maxine Mercer were married nearly 66 years. Lanie and Kendall Pyper are in their 13th year of marriage, while Myrna and Joe Hess are closing in on 56 years.
George and Carol Cornwell were hitched at age 16 and are still going strong 63 years later. Vince and Babs Till were married in 1952 and survived the perils and pearls of it all.
Nearing Valentine’s Day, each of these couples was quizzed on their thoughts about marriage.
For Kelly Scott, communication and understanding are most important to make a marriage work. His wife, Erin, agreed, “Love, honesty, and trust – that is a big one.”
Carol Cornwell said, “You have to talk things out and not sit there stewing.”
Lanie Pyper said “forgiveness, humility and shared faith are crucial.” Her husband, Kendall, advised couples to “have a mutual respect for one another, and tolerance.”
Myrna Hess feels a marriage works well when there is give and take. “You have to work together, communicate well, and respect one another, especially where children are involved. If you disagree, do it behind closed doors and put on a united front when dealing with the kids.”
Vince and Babs Till still put on a united front, after some 57 years. Babs said, “You have to have a lot of things in common and discuss everything. Don’t hold back.” Added Vince, “You have to have things in common because if you don’t, you still won’t have things to share after the kids are gone.”
Marne Mercer, who lost his wife of 65 years, Maxine, unexpectedly last month, is more direct. “What does it take to make a marriage work well? Find the right person. If she isn’t the right one, you don’t have a chance. I was extremely lucky to have found the right one.”
Kelly Scott is quick to respond to a question about conflicts. “I just say, “”Yes, Dear””, to whatever she says. It seems to work for me.” Erin thinks that conflicts are best resolved by talking things out. “You have to talk it out, leave them alone for awhile, then talk again.”
Carol Cornwell, whose husband, George, lives in the Davenport House due to an illness, advised people to “Never go to bed mad. Talk things out, and if need be, do it his way. He can feel like the boss.”
Kendall Pyper learned a valuable lesson from his older brother. “He taught me to discern what is truly important. If it is really that important, fight for it. If not, let her win. Now I fold the towels and put down the toilet seat.” His wife, Lanie, added, “Either come to the middle through compromise or agree to disagree. Talking it out is like putting a puzzle together – you have to make the pieces fit comfortably, not forced.”
Myrna said, “There are two sides to every disagreement. You must never insult each other or be belittling. And faith has been a major part of our marriage’s longevity. It feels good to know someone else is helping.”
What should a spouse always do? Carol Cornwell doesn’t have to think long. “Kiss one another goodnight. Always.” Marne Mercer laughed and added, “In nearly 66 years of marriage, you are bound to do everything wrong at least once. I’ve probably done them all, except break my vows. When you do the things you should never do, you work it out if at all possible. We were perfectly happy.”
The Tills say when things get tough, it is best to count to 10 and walk away. “Don’t let it ever get heated. With four girls, we never had a dull moment. But you make things work.”
The Pypers believe that there are things that every spouse should do, without fail.
“It is important to express love and show affection, and use positive words so that the other person feels loved,” Kendall said. Lanie recommended a good read for every married or soon-to-be married couple – Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman.
“It has helped me tremendously because it teaches us how we give and receive love, how to use words of affirmation, and three phrases that everyone must learn – ‘I love you,’ ‘I’m sorry,’ and ‘Perhaps you are right.’”
The Hess family feels that as a couple, being friends and having friends helps a marriage last for the long haul. Myrna advised, “Humor together and laughter with friends is wonderful. New friends are silver and old friends are gold.”
For Valentine’s Day 2010? There will be the nice dinner out for steaks and music, a fun trip to a lakeside cabin with other couples, and quiet time with family. For Kendall Pyper, it is all about sugar cookies. “I make Lanie a plate-size sugar cookie from an old secret family recipe. It works every time.”
For Carol Cornwell, a trip to visit George in the Davenport House is going to include sweets. “At this stage of the game, I let him have anything he wants, and he loves candy. No use holding back on sweets.”
For Marne Mercer, there will be sweet memories of 65 Valentine’s Days. “We were perfectly happy. Marriage worked fine for us. If you are thinking about marriage and ready, give it a try. Marriage is a very satisfying thing.”
